It's Just a Phase

Raise your hand if you've ever complained about your child and someone replied "it's just a phase" or "it'll pass."

It's not just me, right?

"Ugh, his reflux is so bad!"

"It's just a phase. He'll out grow it!"

"My kid won't sleep!"

"It's just sleep regression or he's growing. It's just a phase. It'll pass"

"My kid won't stop screaming! My head is about to explode!"

"It's just a phase. When he learns to talk, he'll stop yelling so much."

"My kid is such a picky eater. He only wants Mac-n-cheese!"

"He'll out grow that. It's just a phase."

"My kid won't potty train! What should I do?"

"It's okay! He'll do it when he's ready."

*And yes, I am super guilty of saying these things to other parents too*

I think we look at our kids in phases. They move from one to the next and that continues for the duration of childhood. Some kids move through phases faster than others, but eventually they get there. Well, eventually the neurotypical kids get there.

Theo goes through phases too, but at a much slower pace. I say "slower pace" because I want to give him hope. Hope that he will someday reach those milestones and move through these phases. But, as I write this I realize that I don't actually believe that. 

Shall we be realistic? It's going to hurt. 

There are a lot of phases that I don't think Theo will ever get through. I'll be changing his diapers until I'm in diapers. He'll never leave our home. He'll never function on his own. That's it. That's the reality that we are faced with.

There's only two things in life I've ever really wanted: to be a mom and to travel the world. And now, because of a walnut-sized dilated blood vessel, I don't get to do either of those. 

I guess I'm technically a mother, I did give birth, but I don't feel like one. I am a caregiver. Theo doesn't know who I am. He doesn't want or need me. He doesn't want to cuddle or hold my hand or play. He doesn't miss me when I'm gone.

And the traveling thing, it's not gonna happen. Taking Theo anywhere is almost impossible and we can't leave him behind. Josh and I can't go on trips together because one of us always has to be with Theo. And forget having someone come watch him. He's too hard to take care of and I don't want to do that to anyone.

I think it's always helped me to realize that hard things will eventually end. Any trial you are going through, no matter how hard, will eventually end. You will overcome it, you will conquer it, you will learn from it, and you will be stronger because of it. 

There is always that light at the end of the tunnel. The light may be close or it could be so far away that you can't see it yet, but it's there. I think for me there are certain phases that really have no end. Realistically they don't. There's no light at the end of that tunnel.