Sunday, November 21, 2010

Deal Breakers

I wrote this as my facebook status on 10.17.2010:

"Having 'deal breakers' is just another way of telling people you are judgmental"

I immediately got some productive feedback from a few of my friends:

Shaina: "The only deal which is broken for me is someone who chain-smokes... hard not to be judgmental when I'm gasping for air. Otherwise, totes."

Tom: "I love that game" [He is referring to the fact that we used to play "the deal breaker game" while out on digs to help pass the time.]

Syanna: "Amen, there are just a few really important things, like being able to breathe that really matter."

Malorie: "I'm with Tom. That game saved our sanity in Sand Hollow" [Sand Hollow is a dig we were all on together]

Cheryl: "Of course, unless you are talking about abuse. Like abuse-y abuse."

Ok I guess my original facebook status post wasn't 100 percent correct. To some people, I would say most, chain smoking is a deal breaker. To most, not all, abuse is a deal breaker. There are others. Like I could never be with a guy that believed that Hitler's "racial purity" idea was a noble and great thing or that the Holocaust didn't happen.

There is a difference between big deal things (being a Nazi) and small, stupid things (not being outdoorsy [see below]).

I was hanging out with some of my SLC friends and the deal breaker conversation came up. One guy actually had a list. I full blown list! "Deal Breaker One: If I pick up a girl for a date and she's not wearing high heels. Deal Breaker Two: If I'm on a date with a girl and she brings a water bottle in her purse [apparently he thinks that if a girl brings a water bottle it's not because she is thirsty, it's because she thinks that he is too cheap to buy her a water bottle]. Deal Breaker Three: If the girl has ever had sex [keep in mind this guy was religious and believed that sex should be saved for marriage]. Deal Breaker Four: If the girl doesn't like the Utah Jazz. Deal Breaker Five: If the girl isn't outdoorsy. Deal Breaker Six: If the girl..."

The list went on and on and on! The only thing that kept going through my mind was "Whoa you arrogant jerk! Who do you think you are?!" [Ok I used other adjectives but I won't repeat them here]

A few of these really got to me. One was Deal Breaker Three. I understand that people believe that sex is sacred and should be saved for marriage (I believe that too); however, there is no way that you should ever judge someone for not being a virgin. What if she had been married before? She still saved herself for marriage BUT the marriage didn't work out. What if she wasn't religious until she was older and she had sex before she was converted? Are you still judging? What if she just "messed up"? What if she wanted to wait for marriage but fell to temptation. What if she believes that sex is sacred but it's okay out of marriage if you are in love? Who are you to judge her? You can't tell me that YOU'VE never made a mistake.

What about Deal Breaker Five? Say the girl is not outdoorsy and the guy is. Maybe this is something that she could learn to love. Take her on a small hike to a pretty waterfall. Bring her into it slowly. Don't throw her into an ultramarathon or a hike up Mt Everest! And, in the end, if she doesn't enjoy it then maybe outdoors can be "your thing"... you know, go on a hike or campout with the boys. You know couples don't have to do EVERYTHING together. Do they?

Now there are real deal breakers that people need to look out for. My cousin, Cheryl, pointed out a perfect example: abuse. That should be a deal breaker to EVERYONE. Abuse is sick and so sad and no one should have to go through that. But that's not what I'm talking about.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is... don't judge people based on a set of rules. You may end up missing out on someone awesome.

BUT I guess I wouldn't want to be with someone who would judge me with their deal breakers anyways. As my dear cousin, Tiersha, put it, "Well, who want's a d&%$#@ like him anyways."

Humm... so judge away, use your stupid deal breakers if you must.

I guess this conversation was just rendered moot.


Courtney N said...

Whoa! That was a long post! Sorry for rambling!

Lacey Lue said...

So... the girl is supposed to be outdoorsy and wear high heels? Interesting combination of expectations.

Leslie Elaine said...

Wow that jerk is never getting married.

Lacey brings up a good point. Does he mean outdoorsy doing sports with high heels or like wear cargo shorts with heels?