Sunday, July 27, 2008

I hear wedding bells

No, not mine. 

My best friend Jessica is getting married! We've been friends since I was 11 (do the math, thats more then 1/2 of my life)! I love her tons and I am so happy for her!

Weddings are so fun. I love going to receptions and checking out decorations, brides maid dresses, colors, food, cake, etc. because then I can figure out what I want for my own wedding. I really don't need to check out the cake though cause I already have mine picked out:

Ok ok maybe not... : )

Monday, July 21, 2008

A few of my favorite things

(1) First and foremost, I love my Savior Jesus Christ and the restored gospel. I love my family and my friends. These are the things that have been there for me though the good and bad and I love you all!!

(2) Traveling. 

I just got back from a trip to the UK (see here, here, here, or here), I am planning a trip to mainland Europe next summer, Katey and I are planning on going to the Mediterranean in a few years, and I am going to Egypt with my family in November! I think one of the main reasons I decided to study Anthropology is because I love people and I love the world around me. I want to see it all! Here are a few of the places I would love to see:

The Statues of Easter Island, Victoria Falls, The Great Barrier Reef, Teotihuacan, Mt Vesuvius, New Zealand, The Louvre, Vatican City, Ephesus, Petra, Machu Picchu, and the Colosseum.

Im always up for a good trip so if anyone is planning an adventure and needs someone to go with... I'm your girl!!

(3) Art

I can look at art all day. I love sculptures, paintings, and architecture.  Here are some of my favorite works of art.

The Winged Victory of Samothrace and Venus de Milo. These are two of the most beautiful sculptures in the world. They were created at a time when the "body" was celebrated for its beauty.

The Scream by Munch. This represents everyone at one time in their lives: crying out for help and no one even notices or cares.  

This is the memorial to Lady Elizabeth Nightingale located at Westminster Abbey. The sculpture is of Death coming out of Hell to claim Lady Elizabeth while her husband tries to protect her. It shows the true love that Lady Nightingale's husband has for her. Not only is he crying out in agony for her, but he is willing to place himself between her and Death. The sculpture itself is beautiful too. It is carved out of marble but it looks like cloth. You can see Deaths ribcage through his cloak.

(4) Death

As an Anthropologist I enjoy reading and leaning about how other people view Death and the afterlife. I obsess about it (which some people find weird). But you can learn a lot about people and their paradigms just by learning about how they view Death (when I say Death I am talking about the Grim Reaper as well as the afterlife). 

(5) Evolution

I am a realistic person that is driven by logic. I accept evolution as scientific fact. I love the idea that modern day homo sapiens are here because we are the descendants of those who have fought to survive. We are evolving now, right now. We, like all creatures, evolve in order to survive in this world. I hope to later study Evolutionary Biology or Biological Anthropology. I want to understand those who have come before us.

(6) Sports
Ok, ok I may not be the most athletic person, but I love to do anything active and watching a good game on a friday night is my idea of a great time! 

P.S. The Lakers will have their revenge!  : )

So Sick of Being Sick

I've been sick and extremely tired for the past 2 1/2 weeks. It doesn't help that I just got done working 12 straight days and I have to go back to work for another 10 straight days tomorrow. 

This is not a good situation. I have had Infectious mononucleosis (mono) three times. Trust me, this is possible. Mono stays dormant in your system until it goes negative or positive. When it goes positive then you are sick. If it goes negative then you can't get it again. And if its dormant then it just stays in your system until something triggers it and it comes back. Last time my mono came back I was sick for about 6 months. I had to end up dropping most of my classes in college and I was sleeping up to 20 hours a day. It was horrible. Ask my roommates who ended up taking care of me. 

Bottom line: I need to get better before I get worse. I have no idea how this is going to happen when I am living in a hotel for most of the month and then working myself to death in the middle of the desert. It also doesn't help that I am still stressed out (see previous post).

Sunday, July 6, 2008

A Haunting

What if? What if I had gone with a different major in college? What if I had gone on that date with the cute boy? What if I had stayed at home instead of going to BYU? What if I had married him? What if I had stayed in Provo after college? What if I had taken that job in Wyoming? What if I had not moved to the Riveria (where I met some of my best college friends)? What if I had fought for that relationship? What if I had told him how I felt?

Just like Alexander Hartdegen in Time Machine; I am haunted by these two most terrible words: what if.

I am struggling today. I find myself constantly thinking about this.

I was recently asked a strange question: "Why are you still single?" This question lingers in my mind. Why am I still single? Why have I not had a serious relationship in years? Do we really want to open that can-of-worms? I ponder this constantly (I have a lot of time to think when I am hiking 12 miles a day). And here is my simple answer: I am single because I don't believe that I have anything to offer. I have nothing to offer him and I have nothing to offer this world.

Let's face it, honestly, I don't have much to offer. I am working at a job that is emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting AND I don't get paid well (my little brother working at Ralphs probably gets paid more then I do). This job leaves me tired at the end of every day, which leads to me being emotional and irrational. I constantly struggle with food, my body, and my anxiety. I obsess about strange things like Fear, Death, and Evolution. I find myself being either completely stubborn or a people pleaser, depending on the situation. I enjoy playing video games. I don't wear makeup. I'm not cute, bubbly, or flirty. The list goes on and on...

Bottom line: I have nothing to offer and I don't think this will change in the near future. What am I supposed to do? Go up to him and say, "Hey, so, I work long hours at a dead end job and I can't be what I really want to be in life because I'm not smart enough... wanna date me?" I am a sad and pathetic human being that had little to offer this world. Who would want that?

So what if? Well, there is this amazing guy... what if I tell this guy that I really care about him? What if I tell him that I love the fact that we have been friends for years (through most of college) and I feel like myself when I am around him? What if I tell him that he makes me want to be a better person because I know that that is who he deserves? What if I tell him that I have feelings for him? What if I don't? Will I regret this for the rest of my life? Will I look back and wonder what could have happened if I only told him?

In the end its just one of those things that are not going to happen. In the end he will find someone that he deserves. In the end he will be happy not knowing how I felt about him. In the end, my life will continue. I am unable to hold a relationship due to the fact that I lack confidence in my ability to do so.

Some may say I am afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of rejection? No, no I've been rejected before and I can handle that. Afraid of losing my friendship? Yes, a bit, but that's not it... Afraid of finding the man that will truly make me happy? Yes. I fear finding the one for me because I will not deserve him. I don't want to wake up every morning and look at my husband and think: "I don't deserve you". Because that day will come when he is going to wake up and look at me and think: "Yea, you're right. I deserve better." There you go. I am afraid of being happy. I fear that I truly don't deserve to be happy. What have I done to deserve it? What I have done to deserve happiness and love? I have given all I have and if I don't have it now then it's just not coming. maybe what I am feeling now is happiness. How sad. What a horrible existence I will lead if this is true. I guess happiness is relative (much like truth, sadness, and love). Its based on our perspective of the world and what we have experienced.

What if?

This is not an uncommon question and there is nothing wrong with asking "What if?" But there is a problem with living with regret. Will I regret not telling this guy how I feel about him? If I do tell him, will I look back and regret that decision? The problem come from not knowing which "what if" I will regret more.

My UK Trip: Part IV The Adventure Ends

Days 11-16: Inverness and Edinburgh, Scotland; London, England; and back home

Day 11: Inverness, Scotland
- Bank Holiday
- Left Glasgow for Inverness
- Went on a tour of the Loch Ness: a bus tour, cruise of the Loch, walked around Urguhart Castle, and looked for Nessy
- Walked around Inverness at night time and saw more sights

Day 12: Inverness to Edinburgh
- Train to Edinburgh
- Saw the Scottish Jewels and the Stone of Destiny at the Edinburgh Castle
- Went to other sights: The Palace of Hollyrood House and Sir Walter Scott Monument
- We met a crazy store owner who made fun of us for being Americans. He was hilarious! He also made fun of Hilary Clinton... Sorry I didn't get a picture of him : (

Day 13: Edinburgh
- We woke up early so we could go to the Palace of Hollyrood House before we had to catch our train to London
- The train ride back to London was 5 hours long!

Day 14: Back in London
- We decided to spend another day in London so we could see more sights
- Went to the Globe Theatre (watched some of the rehearsals)
- The British Museum: The Rosetta Stone, Greece and Rome artifacts, Egyptain mummies, most of the Parthenon (from Athens), etc. 
- The museum was unorganized but there were a lot of amazing things in there. I am really excited for Egypt now!
- We went to Buckingham Palace to check times for the changing of the guards

Day 15: London
- Westminster Abby:
- Saw Darwin, Newton, Charles Lyell, and Unknown Warrior Monuments
- The Monument to Lady Elizabeth Nightingale was my favorite
- The inside was beautiful and huge and completely worth it!
- We went back to Buckingham Palace to see the changing of the guards
- They have a huge parade just for the changing of a few guards

Day 16-17: The Longest Days of my Life
- Took a train from London to Gatwick
- Flew from Gatwick to Newark, NJ
- Our flight from Newark to DC got delayed and eventually canceled
- We ended up sitting in line for 3 hours to get some customer support and as a result we had to sleep in the airport on the floor
- Instead of going to DC to catch our connecting flight (which we missed) we decided to go straight home to SLC
- After spending a lot more money and time, we ended up in SLC with no luggage and no sleep
- Don't worry, our bags came a few days later

After 17 days, 1 hotel, 8 hostels, 12 cities, 21 train rides, 3 transportation systems (Metro in DC, Underground in London, Subway in Glasgow), Taxi rides, Bus rides, and a lot of walking, we made it back home!