Saturday, August 3, 2013

I Need to Chill

I like to learn. I like to know things. I like to know what is going on. I like to appear intelligent (because we all know I'm really not).

If I could, I would go to school for the rest of my life. Not for grades, but to gain knowledge.

As a result, I have been obsessing about Graduate School and getting my Masters ever since I graduated from BYU with my Bachelors in 2007. The problem was there are just too many options! Should I go back into Archaeology? No. Should I do something new? Information Systems? Health Care? Education? Business?

I had a really hard time picking a major in college because I wanted to do so many things. Everything interested me. I couldn't narrow it down! I went from Chemistry to Pre-Med to Humanities to yada, yada, yada, and then finally landed on Anthropology. It was hard for me to settle on a major and even after I picked Anthropology I wanted to change it again.

When I was in Elementary, Middle, and High School we took a lot of those aptitude/career choice test. I always scored really high in math and science and was told that I should pursue a career in those subjects. I wanted to! I really did! Even though I loved math and science I also loved history, art, psychology, archaeology, and humanities.

I was torn and I still am. That's partially why I chose to major in Anthropology, it has a little bit of everything.

After doing a lot of research, talking to my family (mostly my dad and my uncle), and pondering, I have decided I just need to continue to learn, but without a Masters degree.

Maybe it is something that I can do later. It's just not the right time. Getting a Masters in a different field (then the one I've worked in and graduated with my Bachelors in) through an online program (I can't go to a campus when I move around so much) is just not a good decision. I really wish it was a good decision. I really wish it was the right move. I have a lot of down-time right now. BUT I need to chill and take a break.

It's hard. This is a very hard decision for me. I want a higher education. I want to earn a Masters. I want to work hard. I want to show that I can do it. I want to feel like I contribute to society! I want to be important! I want to do great things! I want to prove to all of you that I can do it! I just want an ounce of respect! I want people to stop rolling their eyes at me and giving me nasty looks when I tell them I'm a stay-at-home girlfriend. I'm not a dead beat moocher (even though I feel like it sometimes).

Even though I am not going to attend Grad School right now, I am going to continue to learn. I am going to try to take classes at a local college when I can, but when I can't I'm going to read and do research. I'm good at that. I did a lot of reading, researching, and writing while I was in college. The Anthropology major does not have many test. I don't think I took a single test my last two years at BYU. I did write 4-5 papers (5-20 pages/each) a week though.

A few days ago I was feeling down so I went shopping and bought some books about small business, bookkeeping, accounting, home buying, investing, and finances. 

I think I am going to start here and once I finish these books I am going to move onto another subject that I am not completely familiar with. Maybe computers, or cars! I do really need to brush up on my math and science skills too. Oh there is so much to do!


Ashley said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! That's why it took me so long to graduate :S And my MA in Egyptology is really just because it's a subject I love and want to know more about! Part of me wishes I had done a MA in IT or something useful for finding a job, and had just studied Egyptology on the side, but I'm glad to be where I am today! Keep learning from all those books; that is truly amazing! One day you'll be able to get a Master's, I'm sure of it! And don't let anyone get you down for being a "stay-at-home girlfriend". You've worked before and you will again I'm sure, this is just what you are right now in your life, but it's not all you are. Embrace this time to study on your own and develop other areas of your life, as you have been. You're awesome!

Syanna said...

You are way more intelligent than you give yourself credit for. And, you do contribute to society, even if those contributions don't make you a household name. And there is a time and place for everything. Staying mentally active until you can get a Masters is a great way to go.

Leslie Elaine said...

Courtney-you do need to chill because you are smart, intelligent and important! I think those a normal feelings for anyone to have every once in a while, especially if you stay home a lot. I want to go back to school too but like you, I changed my major so often that I stuck with 'home and family life' because I'd be able to graduate since the wide variety of classes I took all counted towards it. I don't feel like I'm smart or good with math and science but I was surprised to see that I scored higher in those areas on the ACT and when I think about it-I LOVED my physics class in high school and how it took a whole page to do equations to find equilibrium. Can't do that now but it would be fun to learn it again. :)