I was hiking (like I do day after day) on my transect when all of a sudden I stopped. I stopped dead in my tracks and I had this feeling. It was a horrible feeling. I thought. I pondered. And this thought entered into my head: "Is this it? Is this really what my life has come down to? Is this really my purpose here? I thought I was special. I thought I was meant to be someone important..."
So is this really it? I graduated from college with a degree in something that I love. But is that enough? I can't do this for the rest of my life. I can't go away for ten days at a time and hike 14 miles a day. I can do it physically but I can't do it emotionally. I studied anthropology because I love people. I am a people person. I have a lot of friends and I love being around them. But my job stops that. After hiking all day I'm tired. I am physically and emotionally drained. I don't feel like going out and hanging out with my friends at night when I am this tired. I could never meet anyone and get married and have a family when I am working this crazy schedule.
Thats not just it. I always thought that I would do something special with my life. I always thought I had potential to do something great with my life. But being an archaeologist isn't it. No one cares about archaeologist. What have we ever contributed to society? What will I ever contribute to society?
I always knew I would go to grad school but I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to specialize in. Either way I'm going to be in debt (20,000 dollars a semester is not cheap) and I will be for the rest of my life because Archaeologist (and any other profession connected to archaeology) don't make any money.
Don't get me wrong, I like my job. But I just can't do it for the rest of my life. Unless I want to be some kind of hermit and live in a shack in SLC for the rest of my life.
I guess this all came from the fact that I look around me and I see other people being successful:
(1) Some of my friends are graduating from college with amazing job offers
(2) Others are getting married and starting families
(3) Some are finding out what they love and are getting direction in that
(4) Others are going to Law school, Medical school, Dental school, or other grad schools right out of college.
I want that. I want to know what I want and I want to go and get it. I just don't know what that is yet. I'm not getting any younger.