Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Who cares what they think?

I do.

I care.

You know why? 

Because they are my friends.

Let me explain.

Every time I hang out with my guy friends I end up going home feeling really bad about myself. 

I don't think I'm fat. I don't think I'm unattractive. I'm in pretty good shape (can you hike 12 miles a day for 10 days straight?!). I can look in the mirror every morning and say something nice about myself. 

So, what happened, Court? Its hard to explain. 

How can I keep my good self image when I hang out with guys that are constantly googling over super good looking girls? Or guys that complain that none of their "pretty" girl friends have time to hang out with them? Or guys that are complaining because all their hot girl friends are going on missions? Or guys that will only date models? Or guys who will compliment and flirt with other girls in front of me (its not like I want to date them... but everyone likes to be complimented)?

Its not just the guys... sorry to target them. Its hard to feel good about myself when even my best girlfriends are obsessing about their weight (and they are skinny... I'm not just saying that). 

You know what I did after hanging out with these guys? I went home (after stopping by my cousins to trade cars and see my aunt and uncle... long story) and cried. I guess I'm embarrassed. There's always those girls that are super cute and thin who are constantly complaining that they are fat and ugly. Oh, please honey! I guess I'm the total opposite: I'm not attractive (notice I didn't say ugly... not all my self esteem is gone) and I'm not thin, but I'm fine with that. I can't base my self esteem off my looks. And I try not to. Do you follow?

What happened next? The best thing EVER! I went to Costco!

Well, I went to pick up my prescription for my Costochondritis (which means the cartilage between my ribs in inflamed and it hurts when I breathe), but I ended up getting something else there too: diet pills... Hydroxycut to be exact.

After purchasing my goods, I started heading for the exit. As you exit Costco you have to show the door-worker-person your receipt and merchandise. I flashed my receipt (I only had two things) and proceeded to exit when the door-worker-person stopped me. He (a good looking guy) looked at me and said "Hydorxycut?! Naw girl! You don't need these! You look good!" I laughed and said thanks. I guess he didn't think I was genuine because he kept yelling it and even asked the people in line behind me if they thought I looked good. I didn't stick around to hear their answers, but I left smiling.

Moral of the story: I need to lose some weight. I do care what people think about me. If you are thin you need to stop obsessing about your weight and learn to love yourself. If you are hanging out with a not-so-good-looking girl stop telling her about your good looking girl friends, she doesn't want/need to hear about it. That guy at Costco is a sweetheart. 


Cheryl said...

Your friends are idiots.

I used to complain about being thin (back in hs and college) because everyone made me feel fat. But I had no idea how gorgeous I was. Fast-forward to my big fat body after having four kids --I was fat. I was unhealthy. I wasn't as attractive.
So I lost weight.
And while I was thin again --I NEVER complained about it. I loved it! I knew what I had been missing and I realized how blessed I was to be healthy again.

But Court, health and thin-ness aren't the same thing. At all. And attractiveness is only determined by your awesomeness (haha!). I mean, your last paragraph shows that you know this, but I think you are CRAZY to get diet pills. That is SUCH a dangerous path to be on --and the side affects and addictions, etc. are so not worth it. You could be setting yourself up for a lifetime of yo-yo dieting that you do NOT want to be a part of!
People always cringe when they hear this, but losing weight should just be done the old-fashioned way: what you eat, and how much you move. Since you're already a mover, eat less (or better --actually both!).

And your guy friends are obviously still single, right?

I thought so. :)

Cheryl said...

My immediate apologies for the lecture comment. I'm sure you didn't want to hear it, so...sorry!

Courtney N said...

Haha of course my guy friends are still single. They are such goobers! Field season is picking up again so I'm sure I'll thin out a little bit and get into better shape... and don't worry, I'll do it the healthy way. : ) Thanks for the words, Cheryl. I love you tons!

The Trapp Family said...

That Cheryl is smart. And it is exactly how I feel too. My advice find nice boys that know how awesome you are!!! Second I have always fought the weight battle but please please be healthy.(and I think you look great..and there is NO way I could walk 12 miles I would die!) Diet pills can do some funky things to your body. I had some nasty side effects when I was in high school. Anyway I think you are just awesome and sorry if this sounds like a lecture. Hang in there!!!

Brendon and Stephanie said...

Can I say this is one of the things that I hate most about this world?!?!?!!!! Body image, looks, & false expectations. I hate, hate, hate it...all of it. It makes me fuming mad, angry, sad, frustrated, etc.

I think every woman (skinny or not) has issues with body image. One of our greatest gifts in life (our bodies) is often our biggest challenge. I'm grateful for the struggles I faced with body image to help me gain a greater understanding for who I am as a daughter of God; that I am like Him, physically & spiritually.

You said, "If you are thin you need to stop obsessing about your weight and learn to love yourself." The truth is we ALL need to stop obsessing about weight (thin or not), start focusing on health, & learn to love ourselves.

Your friends should lift you up, not tear you down. I don't think guys realize the influence they have & how their unrealistic expectations effect others.

I'm so sorry, Court! I'm sorry your friends hurt you. I'm sorry you feel like you need to lose weight when you are active.

(And I'm sorry for the epistle.)

Rach & Mike said...

Ditto to Steph! I had costrocondritis last year when I was out in Utah, no fun! Hope you feel better soon!

Ariel said...

Dude I have costochondritis too! It only gives me problems every once in a while though!

Being a girl is tough! On campus I am constantly walking past girls who are skinnier, hotter, and way more physically appealing to guys than I am. It is tough..especially when you are around guys all the time who only talk about the physical characteristics of girls. I go rock climbing at the quarry a few times a week and am the fattest one there. Sometimes it really gets to me and I try to starve myself for a few days so i can look skinnier, but can never stick with my "diet". Above all I try to be healthy and happy. You are beautiful (and I'm not just saying that). I wish I had your skinny long legs and gorgeous hair. You really have a lot going for you! I'm stuck with these short stocky legs and ghetto booty forever!

Sy said...

Dude, we all have that issue. I mean when I go out on the town it is usually with Dayna. That is hard to compete with...

Here's to field season!

The Carreons said...

Yes, you are beautiful! and i love all the workers at Costco! especially the ones on 2100 south!

Shannon said...

Courtney, I love how honest you are. Honestly, pretty, plain, fat and skinney you are saying what every girl has felt/feels often. Worrying about image must just be a female curse. This sounds cliche but when I feel like I spend too much time focusing on the things I don't like about myself I try to serve others instead of wasting my time focusing on me, me, me! It is funny because I teach the beehives and often times the I think the lessons are more for me than anyone else. :)

Tiersha said...

I think you need new friends. Actually they aren't even friends if they do that. Jerks is what they are. Start hanging out with new people!!!