Sunday, October 17, 2010

Reversed

Instead of crying myself to sleep I actually woke up because I was crying.

I have nightmares. A lot of them. I have them almost nightly.

I think that's why I'm such a hot sleeper. When I dream I am not calm. I am anxious. I always wake up in a cold sweat. I can usually get back to sleep, though. I wake up in a panic, figure out it was all a nightmare, get a glass of water, and then go back to sleep.

Tonight is different. Tonight I'm scared. I woke up because I was bawling my eyes out.

I dreamed that I was pregnant. I could feel the baby kicking inside me [I've had pregnancy dreams before]. But this one was different. Right before I was supposed to give birth the baby stopped kicking. I remember pushing on my stomach and I could feel something but it didn't move. The doctor told me it was time to give birth, but the baby had just died, so I would be delivering it stillborn.

It was terrible. It feels so real. I know it wasn't and I know it doesn't mean anything but that still doesn't change how I'm feeling right now.

...

Ok, I feel better now. It's time for some water and then back to bed.

Sweet dreams.

3 comments:

Katey said...

Pregnant dreams suck....I've had quite a few, I tend to be 3mo and 9mo along at the same time...and really confused. Thankfully when I wake up I realize the reason I had the dream is usually because I had to pee really bad. Anywho, pregnant dreams are no fun. Hope you sleep better tonight!

Leslie Elaine said...

I'm sorry. When I was little, 6 or 7, I had lots of nightmares and I remember asking Heavenly Father to make them stop and after that, I never had any for years.

Well, just wait for whenever you are pregnant-then your dreams are totally messed up! I always dreamt Liam was a cat.

Cheryl said...

Dang. I'm so sorry! I usually only have those psychotic pregnancy dreams when I'm pregnant.

Maybe you eat too much soy. ;)