Here I am: Theo's Birth Story - Part III: Reflections and First Week Home

Those six days I spent in the hospital were some of the hardest, but most special days of my life. I was upset, I was in pain, I was happy, I was pleasantly surprise, I was vastly disappointed, I was scared, I felt comforted, and I felt love like I had never felt before.

I don't think I would have done it differently. Even though my labor was painful and unnecessary, I think I would have regretted it if I didn't try. I would have always wondered if I could have done it naturally. But I've learned my lesson. I think that I would try natural birth again IF we decide to have another child and IF, and only IF, I go into labor naturally. If an induction has to happen then I will go for the c-section.

Overall this pregnancy hasn't been too hard on me physically. I had morning sickness and dizziness in my first and third trimesters, I threw up once, I was uncomfortable in my third trimester, and I was tired. But overall I think I was pretty lucky... physically.

One of the hardest thing was being diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes (GD) so early on in my pregnancy. Even though it was easily manageable it was still a pain to prick my finger 4 times a day, 7 days a week (and later, 3 days a week). The GD turned out to be a blessing though. Because of that diagnosis I had to had late term sonograms done. If I had not had my sonogram at 33 weeks we would not have known about the Vain of Galen Malformation and most people don't have sonograms that late unless there is a problem (like GD).

This pregnancy has been harder on me emotionally then physically. Finding out about Theo's malformation was heartbreaking. I had never felt such heartache in my life. I was in charge of taking care of my unborn child and I couldn't even do that right. I felt like it was all my fault and there was nothing I could do about it. I feel responsible for any pain that he may be in and any pain that he will experience in the future. He's going to have brain surgery and he will likely have to have some of the birthmarks on his face removed (or treated) with a laser if they are deemed to be dangerous. I feel for him. He is so innocent and there's nothing I want more than for him to be happy and healthy.

[Hospital bracelets from my weekly visits]

Our first week home has come with tears and great joy. I can't believe how much I love this boy.

[Gifts from Papa and Grandma Neilson]

On Monday, August 14th, we went to the Pediatricians office to have Theo checked over. The Nurse Practitioner checked him out and then sent us to the hospital to have his jaundice levels tested.

Theo was such a rock star! He didn't even flinch when they put the needle in his arm. He has been pricked so much that it doesn't phase him anymore.

Later in the day the Nurse Practitioner called and told us his numbers were high so we needed to continue to supplement him and then go get his numbers checked again tomorrow.

The next day we headed back down to Peoria so we could meet with a lactation consultant and the Pediatric Eye Surgeon.

I have had the breastfeeding cards stacked against me from day one. We didn't have a natural birth, we didn't do skin-to-skin immediately after birth, we didn't get to breastfeed consistently because Theo was in the NICU and on an IV (so he wasn't hungry), and we had to supplement him in the hospital while he was dealing with jaundice. I'm trying so hard to get him to latch and be a good breastfeeder but it's really hard. The lactation consultant told me to keep pumping and feeding him and that it will happen for us.

After our consultation, we headed to the hospital for Theo's eye appointment. Theo had his eyes dilated and then the eye surgeon came in and checked his optic nerve. Theo did not like his eyes opened and he was very squirmy. After struggling for a few seconds I walked over to the table to comfort him. He heard my voice and immediately calmed down. Turns out he just needed his mommy.

Dr. Reddy told us that his eyes look good and that there may be something different with his right eye but he doesn't think it is anything. His observations were noted and he told us to get Theo checked again in 3 or 4 months.

We then left the hospital and headed to County Health Department to get Theo's birth certificate.

Next, we drove back to Ottawa so we could go to the hospital to get Theo's jaundice numbers checked. They poked his arm but had a hard time getting the blood this time so they had to stick his heel. Poor guy. He has had 9 sticks on his heels since he was born. Such a trooper! We got a call later that night from the Nurse Practitioner telling us that Theo's numbers had come down so he won't need to be admitted to the hospital or put under lights.

The next day I had my check up with the OBGYNs in Ottawa. My incision looks good but my feet are SUPER swollen. The doctor told me to stay off my feet and that I need to come back in five weeks to take another glucose test so we can see if I'm actually diabetic or if it was GD. Fun, fun.

Other then all our appointments life has been pretty great. We gave Theo his first "bath" (we can't have a real bath until his umbilical cord falls off). He seemed to really like it. Afterwards I brushed his hair. He really enjoyed it!