Monday, April 14, 2008

Rules are made to be broken


I was recently told, by a great friend of mine, to "take my walls down". Now what does this mean? Well I have a hard time letting people get close to me. I trust everyone I meet to a certain extent, but then in order to get past that it takes a lot of effort and time. I put up these "walls" as a way to defend myself. You can also call these "defense mechanisms". I don't just use these when it comes to friendships but when it comes to all kinds of relationships.

So what my friend was referring to was the fact that I have a lot of rules when it comes to dating. I won't date my co-workers, my friends, guys in my ward, or guys in my major (this is for college). I don't think that these are bad rules. If you date someone at work, and then you have a bad breakup, it can not only affect your work situation, but the other co-workers as well. Dating friends is complicated. I have a lot of guy friends. What if I started liking one of them (which I do now...)? What if we were to date? What if we were to break up? Not only could my relationship with him be ruined but also the relationship I have with our mutual friends. I could never risk that. I would not only be risking my friendships, but my friends friendships (is this getting complicated?). Would I do this just for a chance at happiness? No, I don't want to be selfish. 

What this all comes down to is the fact that my friend wants me to take a chance with someone. She wants me to take down my walls, throw out my rules, and just date. Ok. But wait.... it's not that easy. She told me that I don't date cause I have these rules, but what if I throw out all my rules and I still don't date? Then I am just a loser who can't get a date. Right now I can't get a date cause I have rules... so you see, I am protecting myself. 

Its complicated and pathetic, I know. I've been hurt in the past... ok, who hasn't. So don't I have the right to protect myself? 

Its all so funny because people keep telling me to "go for it" with this guy, but its harder then that. It needs to be a two-way relationship. 

So either the walls are coming down or I am going to build them up stronger then ever before...


5 comments:

Trapp Family said...

I am with everyone else .....breaking down walls worked for me...but I remember before I did I was very cautious and nervous. I say enjoy and have fun, thinking too much may make you crazy!!

Cheryl said...

I didn't realize the extent of your rules! Holy-schlamoly.

Brandon had the same rules. He had dated a girl in high school, got her a job where he was working --they broke up and still worked together for at least 6 more months. So when he met me (we worked together), he was very wary about dating me. But he took a chance, and 8 months later we got married.

Your wise, wise friend is right. It's not like you're going to do something stupid, just allow yourself the chance for some happiness. Happiness only comes after some risk. And happiness is only happiness when that risk is taken. But don't look at it as risk --look at it as a leap of faith. Your are putting your faith into something that could be glorious. And if it comes crashing down and is not? You dust yourself off and you try again. Always. Try. Again. Having our hearts broken shouldn't break our spirits --it should just give us the experience necessary to love even deeper.

Love you! I want to get together just one-on-one sometime without all my crazy kids interrupting us...

Arlene said...

Go for it. Sometimes a relationship is better when it actually begins as a friendship.

Courtney N said...

Seriously Cheryl we need to have some quality one-on-one time. : ) Thanks for your nice comments!

Meg said...

Hey, at least you didn't date Drew!!!! I'm STILL trying to find a good excuse for that one.